Why I won’t expect my friends to change just because I chose to have a baby

August 12, 2020

I hear so many Mum’s complaining about friends not making an effort once they’ve had a baby, but how many of these Mum’s are actually making enough effort back?

I get things will be harder with a baby. You wont attend as many social events as you once did because you want to spend time with your new family. You don’t want to get drunk every weekend because the thought of a hangover with a baby is just horrendous. Or maybe you can’t afford to keep up with your friends anymore because you’re on maternity leave, or working part time. But good friends will understand.

Having a baby isn’t an excuse to neglect people that have been there for you for years. As much as some might like it to be, I personally don’t think having a child gives you an automatic right to not text back, or to not make an effort.
Being busy, sleep deprived or skint just simply aren’t reasons to neglect a friend. Effort can be free, give them a text or a call, go for a walk or a lime and soda, ask them to come round for a coffee or ask if you can pop round to theirs for a catch up.

Yes you might text back slower, not stay out as late as you used to, not get as drunk as you used to, or sometimes not be able to be there at all. But the fundamental effort should still be there from both sides. A baby always will and should come first, but there’s no reason you can’t be a decent friend also.

Granted, I know that some people genuinely might lose interest when you have a baby, and might intentionally distance themselves from you. But they’re the people who don’t want in your life anyway.

My friends have always been so important to me. I’m not one of those girls who only does things with their partner, or who doesn’t have a life of their own. I’ve built so many long lasting friendships over the years, and I’m not about to give that up because I’ve become a Mum.

The way I see it, I don’t expect any of my friends to make more of an effort after I’ve had the baby, or change their behaviour whatsoever. Why should they? If my friends want to carry on planning holidays and going on nights out, who am I to complain that that might not suit me anymore because I’ll have a baby? If they want to do something at a certain time, at a certain place and it suits everyone except me because it might be feed or nap time, that’s my problem not theirs. They shouldn’t have to revolve plans around me because I chose to make a life changing decision.

I have friends that already have kids, friends that are pregnant, friends that are trying to have kids, and friends that don’t have kids and have no plans to in the near future. But I like to think I make equal effort with them all.

Friendship is a two way street, and effort is required from both sides to make it work. Good friends are worth it.

Love Mrs E

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  • Reply CLS August 13, 2020 at 11:46 pm

    Love this one Jess! I think it’s so true. I really want kids and I appreciate that it’s my choice, not the choice of those around me. Just hope the good ones stick around, at least in some capacity.

    I guess we also have to consider people’s personal reasons. It’s not always that people can’t be bothered or don’t want kids, they may be unable to have kids or have had difficult experiences. I love that you’re being well-rounded and recognising everyone’s individual journey.

    Personally I can’t wait to meet your little one when I’m next in England. I wish I got to see them all the time

    • Reply Jessica Earnden September 8, 2020 at 4:12 pm

      Sorry Claire I had logged out and didn’t get this comment through! Yeah I think everyone just needs to be considerate to each other, but that’s easier said than done isn’t it! Aww can’t wait for you to meet them!

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